i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
