she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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