Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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