I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
