If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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