Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Randomize
