He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
