Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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