five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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