Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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