It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
