He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
