Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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