mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Vodka?
Forever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
