I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
