We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
