dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
