Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we should paint friendship bongs
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