I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
