Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
