Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
