We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
