We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
