Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
