If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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