I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
