I'm eating all of the evidence.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
