so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
