your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
