i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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