WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
