I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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