If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize