Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
