Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
