You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just invented taco cereal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
