I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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