I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
