Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
