I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
