as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
