i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
