My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize