ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish I only lived at night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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