Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
