So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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