I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
