I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
