Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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