girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
