I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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