Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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