Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
