Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
