I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
