Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
