maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
