Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Buhtt sex?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
