you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
