he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This toilet bowl is my home.
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