Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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