david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
