You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize