my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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