There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
