Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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