I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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