I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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