Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
