Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
