she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
