I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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