I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
