life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
