I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this will be a night to untag.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
