The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
